Joe Bob Briggs Quotations

There is no post-9/11. Everything from now until the end of time is post-9/11.

Yet it wasn't so long ago that virtually every person in the world felt perfectly free to show up on the doorstep of any other person in the world.

In other words, New York has gone all suburban and bourgeois on us.

Apparently we love our own cell phones but we hate everyone else's.

If you hate what you're seeing, you call it sex and violence. If you like it, you call it "romance and adventure."

The fifties were when people started coming down on "juvenile delinquents," "hoodlums," "vandals"--anybody that was young, wore a motorcycle jacket, and didn't act polite around older people.

You're not a real Texan till you've been kicked out of every decent state in America.

Discourse is fleeting, but junk mail is forever.

As I've said many times, the single most oppressed class in America right now is the teenager.

Speaking of things that'll make your head explode, "Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story" finally made it to the drive-in

I made the mistake of watching "A.I." on cable the week they showed it about 792 times, and I ended up watching it every time it was on.

Almost every venerable tradition at a men's club starts out as a joke.

A universal draft is most often the instrument of Third World dictators.

It's not a crime to get drunk.

In some European theaters, it's still not uncommon to have a late start and three LONG intermissions, because people actually eat and drink and converse during the intermissions.

SURE-FIRE SINGLES AD: Famous Writer needs woman to organize his life and spend his money. Loves to turn off Sunday football and go to the Botanical Gardens with that special someone. Will obtain plastic surgery if necessary.

The best ally you can have in breaking up a street fight is a grandmother.

The Italians always made good wine, but you had the impression they were friendly guys in straw hats running family vineyards with slaves or something so that the vino was never more than ten bucks a bottle.

I AM a male chauvinist. Who's been saying otherwise?

Everything changed in Bosnia, when General Wesley Clark proved that you could fight a war with high- level precision air strikes and a bare minimum of ground action.

Faith is like a kernel of wheat.

There is no post-9/11. Everything from now until the end of time is post-9/11.