John Mayer Quotations

A man's got two shots for jewelry: a wedding ring and a watch. The watch is a lot easier to get on and off than a wedding ring.

High School is like a spork: it's a crappy spoon and a crappy fork, so in the end it's just plain useless.

I have these accidents, these mistakes, these self-inflicted wounds, and then I tear my head to shreds about it for days.

When you do an interview with me, you're talking to a cheap imitation of the person that I really am. There's no magic in my words, it's just me talking.

If you get half a million, at a certain stage you probably will get 4 million people, if they are able to hear it. The touring thing is unbelievable. It really is amazing from what we did the last tour even to what we are doing now.

Maybe someday you can accuse somebody of being a poseur by selling out and playing blues music, but that's just not going to happen in my lifetime.

I can't even explain to you how terrible that feels, that I equate dating a woman with punishment, shame, guilt, disappointment, reproach, reprimand, persecution. It's a nightmare.

I hate being the heartbreaker. Hate it. If I date somebody and it doesn't work out, it's another nightmare for me.

I hope that what it comes down to at the end of the day is that people believe that I believe what I'm singing. It comes down to being believable. You don't have to be likeable; generally, though, I think I am.

Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I've got a few missing.

Sometimes I wish that I was the weather, you'd bring me up in conversation forever. And when it rained, I'd be the talk of the day.

I'd like to think the best of me was still hiding up in my sleeve.

You get to a certain age where you prepare yourself for happiness. Sometimes you never remember to actually get happy.

Ladies, if you want to know the way to my heart... good spelling and good grammar, good punctuation, capitalize only where you are supposed to capitalize, it's done.

When you're just open but not honest, then you start free-associating garbage.

I knew what I wanted to do when I was 13 and I had to go through four years of high school to get out. That's a blessing, because I never had to lay on my bed staring up at the ceiling going, 'What am I going to do with my life?'

Sometimes it feels like my life is just one long day.

I need some kind of emotional stake in it to write my lyrics, assuming that place. It might just be an emotion I understand but am not currently experiencing necessarily.

I have the obsessiveness of someone who's a sober, recovering addict displacing his addiction. Except I never had the addiction.

You make a choice in your life, and it affects your life in all the ways, good and bad.

They say stay in the lines, but there's always something better on the other side.

I really don't want to be a hunk.

I may have taken someone through the wringer psychologically, but I've never been sinister.

I've never done anything because I thought it would look cool.

I'm getting to a point where everything is becoming streamlined in my life. I'm learning how to stand onstage for two hours and play in front of thousands of people as if I am completely in the moment every moment.

Never underestimate the power of "I'd like that.

I don't have anybody telling me what to do.

I lost my head for a little while.

He doesn't think he should be on supervision. He thinks he's too good for it.

We have an immediate and dire need for this. The board has voted already to go ahead with this.

We could finish our season on a winning note. That was certainly our goal. We're real excited. We really are. We're getting there.

the trapper keeper is the genisis of OCD for my generation.

I wanted everybody to like me. I thought I was one shuck and jive away in every direction.

So what, so I've got a smile on But it's hiding the quiet superstitions in my head

So what, so I've got a smile onBut it's hiding the quiet superstitions in my head

Scared of the world outside you should go explore, pull all the shades and wander the great indoors. Though lately I can't blame you, I have seent he world and sometimes I wish your room had room for two.

I'm not as surprised in going from playing 1,000 seats to 4,000 seats as I was from 100 to 500 seats.

I'm thinking about coming out with a full body velour jumpsuit. No joke.If I get tired of playing music, I'll go home. I won't come out with a new flavor of ice cream.

That's a high felony. We want to apprehend him as soon as possible.

I support building a bridge large enough to handle the growth that has occurred and the growth that will occur in the future.

I just don't see myself in that place where I really want to bop anymore.

I just sort of lost my head for a little while.

All I want a song to do is just to kind of present an idea.

There wasn't a ton of time to write this record but that's also good because there wasn't a ton of time to freak out either. So it was just about enough time to follow my instinct and put my instinct down ... Your first attempt, your first thumbprint on every song -- that's what you can hear on the record.

It seems like the other 20 people in the county know what is better for us than our own representatives.

It makes you feel like you're on vacation. It's the kind of drink that should have an umbrella sticking out of it. It tastes great in the winter months.

I can make the most tasteless reference at some point and then go into one of my most earnest songs of the repertoire.

I don't want to detach. I don't want to go live in a gated community.

I don't want to pull over right now, but I just downed an Arizona Ice Tea and I'm starting to look for the next closest rest stop.""--On Settling down with a girl.

I can't wait to figure out what wrong with me, so I can say this is the way that I used to be.

He's not been cooperative with his conditions of supervision. He's failed to report, and he's been involved in other criminal activities.

Pain throws your heart to the ground Love turns the whole thing around Fear is a friend who's misunderstood But I know the heart of life is good

Someday, everything will make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, be strong and keep reminding your self that everything happens for a reason.

Anybody who's made it will tell you, you can make it. Anyone who hasn't made it will tell you, you can't

May this be the year that things go your way most of the time, and when they don't, may you have great friends to lean on.

If you had started doing anything two weeks ago, by today you would have been two weeks better at it.

It’s my failure to sound like my heroes that’s allowed me to sound like myself.

Don't be scared to walk alone. Don't be scared to like it.

I've figured out my learning curve. I can look at something and somehow know exactly how long it will take for me to learn it.

The biggest mistake I made and what cost me a lot of enjoyment in my life, was assuming that everybody cared. They don’t.

Everybody is just a stranger, but that's the danger in going my own way.

There are people in the world who have the power to change our values.

I'm interested in living more of a life that's invisible to everybody and more vibrant to a fewer people that are in my life.

She's perfect, so flawless, I'm not impressed.

Whenever they say it can’t be done, remind them that they make a jellybean that tastes exactly like popcorn.

I went to my library, right? And I started to research the Bill of Rights and I did not technically find anything that said all Americans shall eat shrimp with whoever they like, but I found some things that are close enough to infer that I am within my legal rights to enjoy seafood with whomever I choose.

The saddest kind of sad is the sad that tries not to be sad. You know, when sad tries to bite its lip and not cry, and smile and say, "No I'm happy for you"? Thats when it's really sad...

Sometimes I get so bold and I'm so confident about what I'm doing that I actually try to be more of a dork because it's a really liberating feeling to experience what it's like to not care.

This is not to say, there never comes a day I'll take my chances and start again. And when I look behind on all my younger times, I'll have to thank the wrongs that led me to a love so strong.

When autumn comes, it doesn't ask. It just walks in, where it left you last. And you never know, when it starts; until there's fog inside the glass around your summer heart.

I love you more than songs can say, but I can't keep running after yesterday...

Half of my heart's got a real good imagination, half of my heart's got you. . .Half of my hearts got a right mind to tell you that half of my heart won't do.

You gotta be able to explain things to yourself when the lights go off and you get in the bed. You gotta deal with you at the end of the day.

I think that one of the greatest connections and attractions you can have with somebody, is understanding somebody.

If you're good, and you know you're good, and you know you're better than those people getting paid to do it, you still have to have an open ear….Nobody's music is the enemy of your music…The idea that someone else has made it when they shouldn't have made it is toxic thinking.

I am who I am because of Dave Matthews Band

I find myself in situations that I know would be unbelievable pictures and I have to gauge, Is this worth taking the camera out? Am I gonna lose the moment? Am I gonna get a dirty look from Sting?

My fear is that I go up to the girl of my dreams and say 'I'm sorry, but I've got to say hello to you,' and she slides the stool back and gets up and walks away, saying, 'Not for me, Bub. I don't want anything to do with you.'

I don't jerk off because I'm horny. I'm sort of half-chick. It's like District 9. I can fire alien weapons. I can insert a tampon. No, I do it because I want to take a brain bath. It's like a hot whirlpool for my brain, in a brain space that is 100 percent agreeable with itself.

I am beginning to know what it feels like to be a woman. To have people looking at you all the time. And I'm sorry ladies, I had no idea! But people are looking at me all the time. It's like I have musical boobies!

I'm a mess of unfinished thoughts.

So scared of getting older, I'm only good at being young.

People want to see musicians sing things that come from their own mind and own heart in real time, responding to the moment for them.

I've never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, 'We're full.'

Have you ever loved somebody, loved her completely, but had to end the relationship for life reasons?

Trying to impress my mother with words was one of my favourite pursuits.

I'm a good music provider, and I'm fine with that. I'm a quality music manufacturer.

I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life.

It's almost charity work, what people have done, turning other people on to my music.

I can't stress enough how important it is to write bad songs. There's a lot of people who don't want to finish songs because they don't think they're any good. Well they're not good enough. Write it! I want you to write me the worst songs you could possible write me because you won't write bad songs. You're thinking they're bad so you don't have to finish it. That's what I really think it is. Well it's all right. Well, how do you know? It's not done!

So scared of getting older I'm only good at being young So I play the numbers game to find a way to say that life has just begun.

When you're dreaming with a broken heart, the waking up is the hardest part. You roll outta bed and down on your knees and for a moment you can hardly breathe.

Not worrying is a skill. It's a skill not breaking down every single moment.

Half of my heart’s got a grip on the situation, half of my heart takes time.

Friends, lovers, or nothing, we can really only ever be one.

Today I finally overcame tryin’ to fit the world inside a picture frame.

I just wish they'd put a new word in the dictionary bigger than love because love just doesn't describe what I feel.

I have male fans, but I'm persuading them to become female!

By the way, pornography? It's a new synaptic pathway. You wake up in the morning, open a thumbnail page, and it leads to a Pandora's box of visuals. There have probably been days when I saw 300 vaginas before I got out of bed.

I'm pretty good at taking accountability now, and I never did anything to deserve that. It was a really lousy thing for her to do.