Conan O'Brien Jobs Quotations

One's dream is constantly evolving, rising and falling, changing course. This happens in every job, but because I have worked in comedy for twenty-five years, I can probably speak best about my own profession.

Today, you have achieved something special, something only 92 percent of Americans your age will ever know: a college diploma. That's right, with your college diploma you now have a crushing advantage over eight percent of the work force. I'm talking about dropout losers like Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg.

California had its first medical marijuana job fair. Over 2 million people meant to show up.

Today in Sri Lanka, Pope Francis visited a Buddhist temple. When asked why, the Pope said, 'Just keeping my options open. It's a dicey job market. You never know.'

This week Apple stores are holding free computer programming classes for children. Or as that's called in China, a job fair.

According to a new study, most men would like women to occasionally pick up the check. The study also found that most women would occasionally like to be paid as much as men for doing the same job.

The turkey that President Obama will pardon this Thanksgiving is from California. The turkey said, "I don't need a pardon. I need a job.'

The big story today, Barack Obama was accused of insulting Sarah Palin when he criticized Republican policies by saying, you can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig. Political experts say that if Obama keeps insulting Palin, he could lose the election and win a job at MSNBC.

Jeb Bush is getting his presidential campaign in gear. Last week he said he supports a path to citizenship for immigrants. He said, 'I believe in an America where hard work and dedication can lead to any job that your brother and dad once had.'

The U.S. unemployment rate is the lowest it's been in nearly seven years. The job sector that has seen the most growth is in the field of Republican presidential candidates.

Thousands of Mexicans gathered in Mexico City to protest high food prices. The protest only lasted an hour, because everyone had to leave for their jobs in Los Angeles

I dont need a pardon. I need a job.

Fidel Castro declared that a robot would do a better job as president than Barack Obama. After hearing this, Mitt Romney thanked Castro for his endorsement.