Eugene Mirman Thinking Quotations

I think in Russia, there's a lot of storytelling and anecdotes.

A lot of people think that kids say the darnedest things. But so would you if you had no education. You'd just be like, I am bike cheese. Because you wouldn't know what words were.

What I think you should do is imagine people in their underwear but then also imagine them crying, and that - that is truly relaxing.

What do you think you should do if you're attacked by a bear? Play dead? No - that's a lie promoted by the bears.

A lot of the things I do are the sort of things I think are funny.

For a short period of time, I was like, I have these jokes and if people get them, they get them. And then eventually, I was like, Oh no. It's absolutely my job to convey to people why what I think is funny, is funny. The whole point of standup is to get the audience to understand your weird point of view.

I believe in diversification of income, because you never know what will happen. I'm a slightly paranoid person who thinks things could be ruined at any time.

I don't think you should invest in commodities. Eddie Murphy made it seem risky in Trading Places.

There was one woman who had a giant sign and on it, it just said, 'America Is Better Than Abortion.' I think she meant that America was too good a place for the horror of abortion. But instead, it sounded like she had weighed both - the American spirit and getting an abortion and decided that American spirit better. I think it is a bad idea to have grammatically ambiguous protest signs.

When years from now people look back on today, they will think the same thing they already do but with more reasons for it.

I just loved comedy as a kid and I think at some point, it just occurred to me that you could try it, and I did.

Think of me as an impetuous Hegel, drunk with power, and also, regular drunk.

There's something therapeutic about connecting with an audience - when there's something really sort of odd or silly that you think is funny, and conveying it to an audience.