H. L. Mencken Atheism Quotations

The chief contribution of Protestantism to human thought is its massive proof that God is a bore.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Men always try to make virtues of their weaknesses. Fear of death and fear of life both become piety.

Religion is "so absurd that it comes close to imbecility."

The Jews fastened their religion upon the Western world, not because it was more reasonable than the religions of their contemporaries - as a matter of fact, it was vastly less reasonable than many of them - but because it was far more poetical.

Why do men go to zoos?

Whenever a reporter is assigned to cover a Methodist conference, he comes home an atheist.

Here the only genuine conflict is between true believers. Of a given text in Holy Writ one faction may say this thing and another that, but both agree unreservedly that the text itself is impeccable, and neither in the midst of the most violent disputation would venture to accuse the other of doubt. To call a man a doubter in these parts is equal to accusing him of cannibalism. Even the infidel Scopes himself is not charged with any such infamy.

The priest, realistically considered, is the most immoral of men, for he is always willing to sacrifice every other sort of good to the one good of his arcanum - the vague body of mysteries that he calls the truth.

Christian endeavor is notoriously hard on female pulchritude.

The scent of frying astronomers long ago ceased to ascend to Yahweh.

Of learned men, the clergy show the lowest development of professional ethics. Any pastor is free to cadge customers from the divines of rival sects, and to denounce the divines themselves as theological quacks.

All great religions, in order to escape absurdity, have to admit a dilution of agnosticism. It is only the savage, whether of the African bush or the American gospel tent, who pretends to know the will and intent of God exactly and completely.

A Puritan is someone who is desperately afraid that, somewhere, someone might be having a good time.

Not by accident, you may be sure, do the Christian Scriptures make the father of knowledge a serpent - slimy, sneaking and abominable.