Harriet Lerner Self Quotations

Only through our connectedness to others can we really know and enhance the self. And only through working on the self can we begin to enhance our connectedness to others.

Many of our problems with anger occur when we choose between having a relationship and having a self.

Anger is a tool for change when it challenges us to become more of an expert on the self and less of an expert on others.

If you're married to an entrenched non-apologizer, it won't help to doggedly demand one. Some folks lack the self-esteem required to take responsibility for their less than honorable behaviors, feel remorse, and offer a heartfelt apology. And many people are so hard on themselves for the mistakes they make, they don't have the emotional room to admit vulnerability and apologize to a partner.

Self-help books for women are part of a multibillion-dollar industry, sensitively attuned to our insecurities and our purses.

Throughout evolutionary history, anxiety and fear have helped every species to be wary and to survive. Fear can signal us to act, or, alternatively, to resist the impulse to act. It can help us to make wise, self-protective choices in and out of relationships where we might otherwise sail mindlessly along, ignoring signs of trouble.

Feeling essentially superior to other people is as sure a sign of poor self-esteem as feeling essentially inferior.