Jim Gaffigan Want Quotations

All I want to do is be a good dad, but I'm pretty bad at it.

I just want to be known as funny.

My faith is very personal. It's not something that I want to project on other people.

You could say that to the pope. I want to talk to you about Jesus. He'd be like, easy, freak.

My kids are always awake. It's they're taking shifts. 'Alright, I'll annoy 'em from midnight to . Who wants to ?'

I don't want to get involved in the culture war. Religion's iffy.

The reason I say I'm a horrible person is I don't want myself to be presented as somebody who's a great Catholic.

You know, I want to teach, but I don’t want to read?

Who was the first person to walk into a harbor and say, "Whatever that horrible smell is I want to eat it"

There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don't want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea.

I am somebody who - my path to my faith is very kind of individual, and I don't want to be lumped into the category of those Westboro Baptists.

I do want everyone to feel comfortable. That's why I'd like to talk to you about Jesus.

I do just want to do jokes. I don't want to be a divisive figure.

Television's very much a writer's medium, as it probably should be, but if you're not the writer, then as the performer, you defer to that. It's just kind of how it's constructed. Is there some leeway? Yeah. But I also don't want to come across as a jerk.

I don't want to be a TV star for the sake of being on TV. I want to have a TV show that's based around my comedy.

If someone picks up one thing you've written, you want them to go, 'Wow, this is pretty good.'