Jon Stewart Sound Quotations

So if you're negative, you live longer? That sounds like a cruel joke.

Everything in Italian sounds like 'Give me your money or I'm going to beat your @$$'.

Megachurches. I can't be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla.

Please explain to me why John Kerry sounds more dickish telling the truth than Bush sounds when he's lying. How is that possible?

[He died of thirst?] That sounds, if I might say, like the greatest Sprite commercial ever.