Lewis Black Should Quotations

There should be a law that you can't shut down the government - that you don't have that power.

I believe that every paper in the country should have one headline that when you read it, you laugh so hard you can't stand it. It has to be that way. What about a headline like this: 'Hippo Eats Dwarf'? How good is that? You read that headline, and you immediately close the paper and say, 'Wow, it's gonna be a great day.

It's amazing what I could've written in my life if I had realized that I should keep writing and not masturbating.

Should I eat this or should I eat this? Well, I'll have to eat both!

Equestrian, by the by, is the gayest word in the English language. In fact, I thought Brokeback Mountain should have been called Two Equestrians.

See... What I felt they should have done, for our first public works project, is build a giant wall... across the entire border of Canada. Because that's where the cold air comes from.