Stephen Leacock Two Quotations

There are two things in ordinary conversation which ordinary people dislike - information and wit

Electricity is of two kinds, positive and negative. The difference is, I presume, that one comes a little more expensive, but is more durable; the other is a cheaper thing, but the moths get into it.

On the same bill and on the same side of it there should not be two charges for the same thing

Any two meals at a boarding-house are together less than two square meals.

In Canada we have enough to do keeping up with two spoken languages ... so we just go right ahead and use English for literature, Scotch for sermons, and American for conversation.