You realize you have no control over how you're perceived.
The act of writing is a way of tricking yourself into revealing something that you would never consciously put into the world. Sometimes I'm shocked by the deeply personal things I've put into books without realizing it.
You must realize that one day you will die. Until then you are worthless.
You realize that there's no point in doing anything if nobody's watching. You wonder, if there had been a low turnout at the crucifixion, would they have rescheduled?
You have to give up! you have to give up! You have to realize that someday you will die, Until you know that, you are useless!