Daniel Tosh Men Quotations

Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.

I started my own foundation. If you aren't familiar with it, it's called 'Febreezing the homeless.' Who would you rather give money to: a man that smells 4like liquiid garbage, or ocean breeze?

Am I the only person who hopes that David Beckham has sex with Brad Pitt? I don't know who's in charge of casting in Hollywood, but make it happen before one of them is out of their prime. Can you imagine those two men together making love? If there's a man in here that's junk doesn't wiggle just a little bit at the thought of those two men together - this has nothing to do with your homophobic sexual preference. At that level it's art, you monkey. You should be honored that you share the same restroom with those Greek gods.

You don't gossip while your man is driving. You sit there quietly until you're about 5 minutes from your destination then you say, would you like some road head?

I'm actually all for gay marriage. Just the thought of having a man around the house...

Describe your perfect man who looks like me...

Saw myself naked in front of a mirror a couple days ago - that's not the joke, that's what we called the setup. I saw myself naked, and I said, 'Holy cow, I'm 'The White Man.' I've heard a lot of bad things about you, cracka.

If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders.

There's only two types of men left in this world. Lumberjacks and Liam Nesson.

If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.

Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.