Norm MacDonald Thinking Quotations

I'm no good at anything but comedy, which I think I'm good at. I'm absolutely no good at networking; I'm terrible at acting; I'm terrible at dealing with executives; I'm terrible at collaborating. And I say whatever I want to say. But I think I'm good enough at comedy that I can survive. And I don't really have an ambition for money.

I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.

All my life's about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn't cost very much money.

A lot of people think I'm difficult to work with. It's not like I really want to do that much stuff, so it doesn't really matter. I guess I'm somewhat difficult when it comes to comedy.

I've been offered political shows before, and I don't know anything about politics and I feel uncomfortable making political opinions - there's consequences to them. I often think I'm wrong, so I really don't like getting in political or religious discussions because of the giant possibility that I might be wrong.

I would love to stay at SNL forever. But you can't stay in the same place. People think you're a loser.

Compared to politics, I think sports is funnier, because it's inconsequential. And politics can be real important and all that. The more pointless something is, the funnier it is, you know? And the more grave or important things are... You know, some comedians can get this disease where they get serious all the time.

Whenever I do theaters, I don't like 'em. I don't think they're right for stand-up.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

Generally I don't like traveling around saying the exact same thing. I don't think that's a very good thing to do with your life.

A great cause of evil in the world is that men seldom think themselves criminal if they offer the same injustice to others that has been successfully practiced on themselves.

If you watch that show and you didn't know it was called Seinfeld, you'd think it was called The George Costanza Show.

This is a thing I read by a scientist... it said scientists now say that a man thinks about sex once every 7.3 seconds. Now, I know what I think every 7.3 seconds. It's just a bunch of meaningless gibberish.

Last Christmas, I got the worst gift a guy ever gave me. He gave me a lottery ticket... what's the guy even thinking there. Here you go... nothing! Merry Christmas! It's nothing!