Amy Sedaris Quotations | Page 2

I always got along with all types of people - popular people as well as drug addicts.

I am an aging Girl Scout.

I'm more of a clown, a tragic clown. Yeah. I just like humor to come out of characters.

I did shoplift but I didn't get in trouble for it. I shoplifted a lot when I was little. Candy. I would steal candy.

I always want to look unattractive, it's more fun. I like playing opposites, people who aren't attractive who think they are pretty. That's always interesting to me.

I'm not very good with drink recipes. If I'm entertaining, I like to come up with a house drink for the evening, one thing I'll make for the whole evening of the whole month.

I love depressing movies and depressing books.

A lot of crafters, they're shut-ins.

My characters always like themselves.

When you hear someone use the word 'meds' instead of the word 'medicine,' chances are they're no stranger to massive doses of mind-altering psychotropic drugs. Back out of the room slowly.

I'm not a first-place person.

If you decide on having an alcoholic at your party, make sure it's a large gathering. This way, until the alcoholic begins removing their clothes or dangling the cat out the window, they can sort of blend in. An alcoholic at a small gathering is called an intervention.

although it has been said that idle hands are the devil's workshop, when it comes to teenagers, both idle and active hands are the devil's workshop.

I've never played anyone who didn't like themselves. I don't care if they're unattractive, but it's important that they think of themselves as attractive. And I guess that's part of their charm.

I don't really consider myself to be a comedian. I mean, it's not like I'm sitting around writing jokes or anything. I just like dressing up and pretending to be other people.

Crafting is putting ideas into action and then holding them together with an inexpensive adhesive.

Some crafts have been practiced for centuries. These crafts were created using skills passed from generation to generation, and were motivated by necessity such as baskets and pottery, or artistic expression, such as more baskets and more pottery. Today, there is a much more leisurely attitude toward crafting, and virtually anyone without a job and access to pipe cleaners can join the elite society of crafters.

When I meet a new person, something has to be a little off for me to consider them beautiful. It could be crooked teeth, or veins in their skin that are a little too visible, or a really dramatic lazy eye. The first guy I ever kissed had a water head.

If you see a shy person, ask them some questions like, 'Why are you so shy? Tell everyone, we're all listening.

Learn more about yourself! Make a self-esteem collage using pictures of other people you wish you were.

Gift-wrap the framed artwork on your walls and rehang them - what's nicer than a wall of presents to look at?

I've always been drawn to people with problems. Not just physical problems, but mental problems too. Like depressed people or killers, all that stuff.

Fire had an almost magical quality that suggested anything was possible. Early on, man even believed that fire was a god that had to be fed with animal sacrifices in order to burn brightly. Today we have evolved a long way from this ridiculous notion of a 'fire god' and now rightfully understand God to be a bearded being who lives amongst the clouds and hates Jews and homosexuals.

Exercise your imagination muscle! How many uses can you come up with for a flowerpot? Write down your answers. But don't write them in this book. Grab a separate sheet of paper. I didn't spend two and a half weeks writing a book just so you could mark up the pages with your silly ideas for things you can do with a flowerpot. When it comes down to it, what's wrong with a flowerpot not being a flowerpot? Why is nothing ever good enough for you?

If you cannot come to the party, do not cancel at the last minute or give a message to a child to inform the host. And don't bother explaining why you can't attend because anything after 'because' is bullshit.

I'm not ambitious when it comes to my acting career. I'm not breaking down my agency's doors or sending out headshots. Even when I'm offered work, I always want small parts. When it comes to things that other people have written, I just don't know what I'm doing. I'm terrible at memorizing a script and reading lines. I get confused and I don't understand and it just looks fake to me. It's more difficult for me to be creative that way.

There is nothing wrong with not wanting to be a hospitable person and have groups of people in your home touching your personables.

Crafting, or 'making things,' has always been a delightful pastime of mine because it requires putting common elements together in order to achieve a lovely something that nobody needs.

I need a costume to be convinced that I'm somebody else. Otherwise, it's just me. It's just Amy saying lines. I haven't really become somebody else. And what's the fun in that?

Sometimes it's just enough for me to have the idea. I don't need to see it through to the end. When it actually happens, I'm always disappointed because it's never like what I imagined in my head. When an idea becomes a reality, then it's a job. I'd rather just think about it.

Books are challenging and inspirational to me.

I don't mind pointing out some of the failings of old age, because we are all headed in that direction, unless of course we take our own lives before we become a burden. I'm not advocating suicide, oh wait, I guess I am.

That's how all theater should be done - you only have one chance to see it and then it's gone. One night only.

My mother always said 'Don't bother other people.' I think that's good advice.

Don't associate me with comedy. And please don't say actress. I would never call myself any of those things. I hate it when people call me that.

I just hate the whole idea of labeling anything as a comedy. If you tell me something's funny, I'll want to rebel against it. When I go to a bookstore and see books categorized as humor, I get furious. Don't tell me that a book is funny. Let me decide if it's funny. It's the same with sitcoms. You call something a sitcom and people expect it to be funny. And that ruins everything.

I try to pick music for a diner that doesnt involve a lot of lyrics, so you're not paying attention to that. As long as it doesnt dominate the party, it should be more atmosphere music. When I'm by myself, I never play music.

I'm always more attracted to the unattractive.

I've never done heroin or slept with people for money or anything.

Um, I played this lady who was in her late 40's/early 50's, who was a prostitute, drug addict and she decides to go back to high school to start her life all over again.

I listen. I like to give advice. Mostly, I'll just try to listen to my friends, and they'll say the same thing over and over again.

So all I've been doing is I cook and I clean, and I entertain at my house a lot.

It's driving me crazy! It's awful. I saw four last night during the Academy Awards. Four little baby mice running all over my apartment.

But I think we have our own little world we're in.

They assume that I want a boyfriend, and yeah, that I'd probably like to have a baby and get married - but they're wrong.

They live between seven and nine years and sometimes they grow up to be teenagers but she said that my rabbit was actually really laid back.

It's all about process to me - as long as it's fun to me, I don't care about the final product.