Billy Wilder Quotations

France is the country where the money falls apart and you can't tear the toilet paper.

Trust your own instinct. Your mistakes might as well be your own, instead of someone else's.

You have to have a dream so you can get up in the morning.

If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.

What critics call dirty in our pictures, they call lusty in foreign films.

An actor entering through the door, you've got nothing. But if he enters through the window, you've got a situation.

A director must be a policeman, a midwife, a psychoanalyst, a sycophant and a bastard.

An audience is never wrong. An individual member of it may be an imbecile, but a thousand imbeciles together in the dark - that is critical genius.

I have ten commandments. The first nine are, thou shalt not bore. The tenth is, thou shalt have right of final cut.

The best director is the one you don't see.

Shoot a few scenes out of focus. I want to win the foreign film award.

The Austrians are brilliant people. They made the world believe that Hitler was a German and Beethoven an Austrian.

If there's anything I hate more than not being taken seriously, it's being taken too seriously.

Don't be too clever for an audience. Make it obvious. Make the subtleties obvious also.

It was hell at the time, but after it was over, it was wonderful.

I'd worship the ground you walked on if only you walked in a better neighborhood.

I've met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.

My Aunt Minnie would always be punctual and never hold up production, but who would pay to see my Aunt Minnie?

One's too many and a hundred's not enough.

We are on the track of something absolutely mediocre...

Now, what is it which makes a scene interesting? If you see a man coming through a doorway, it means nothing. If you see him coming through a window - that is at once interesting.

Hollywood didn't kill Marilyn Monroe, it's the Marilyn Monroes who are killing Hollywood.

I am big. It's the pictures that got small.

They've tried to manufacture other Marilyn Monroes and they will undoubtedly keep trying. But it won't work. She was an original.

France is a place where the money falls apart in your hands but you can't tear the toilet paper.

I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel.

I, you know, am all over the place -- every category of pictures I have made, good, bad or indifferent. I could not make, like Hitchcock did, one Hitchcock picture after another. . . . I wanted to do a Hitchcock picture, so I did "Witness for the Prosecution," then I was bored with it, so I moved on.

he was himself, with all the quirks that a human being has.

I would worship the ground you walk on, Audrey, if you only lived in a better neighborhood.

Marilyn was mean. Terribly mean. The meanest woman I have ever met around this town. I have never met anybody as mean as Marilyn Monroe or as utterly fabulous on the screen.

On Ernst Lubitsch: He could do more with a closed door than other directors could do with an open fly.

When Chaplin found a voice to say what was on his mind, he was like a child of eight writing lyrics for Beethoven's Ninth.

I'm not happy. I'm not happy at all.

Hindsight is always twenty-twenty.

He has Van Gogh's ear for music.

Money makes even bastards legitimate.

I don't go to church. Kneeling bags my nylons.

I had one life. And what did I do? Wasted it in some palooka preliminaries in Spain, just before Hitler and Chamberlain warm up for the main event.

It was a hot afternoon and I can still remember the smell of honeysuckle all along the street. How can I have known that murder can sometimes smell like honeysuckle?

Ever notice how these European trains always smell of eau de cologne and hard boiled eggs?

Jerry: Oh, you don't understand, Osgood! Ehhhh... I'm a man. Osgood: Well, nobody's perfect.

Develop a clean line of action for your leading character

I'm delighted with it, because it used to be that films were the lowest form of art. Now we've got something to look down on.

The ultimate trick is to convince, persuade. Every single person out there is an idiot, but collectively they're a genius.

You know, that stuff about pink elephants, that's the bunk. It's little animals. Little tiny turkeys in straw hats. Midget monkeys coming through the keyholes.

I hate that word. It's return--a return to the millions of people who've never forgiven me for deserting the screen.

Eighty percent of a picture is writing, the other twenty percent is the execution, such as having the camera on the right spot and being able to afford to have good actors in all parts.

Ah, Marilyn, Hollywood's Joan of Arc, our Ultimate Sacrificial Lamb. Well, let me tell you, she was mean, terribly mean. The meanest woman I have ever known in this town. I am appalled by this Marilyn Monroe cult. Perhaps it's getting to be an act of courage to say the truth about her. Well, let me be courageous. I have never met anyone as utterly mean as Marilyn Monroe. Nor as utterly fabulous on the screen, and that includes Garbo.

Film’s thought of as a director’s medium because the director creates the end product that appears on the screen. It’s that stupid auteur theory again, that the director is the author of the film. But what does the director shoot-the telephone book? Writers became much more important when sound came in, but they’ve had to put up a valiant fight to get the credit they deserve.

After so many drive-in waitresses becoming movie stars, there has been this real drought, when along come class; somebody who actually went to school, can spell, maybe even plays the piano. She may be a wispy, thin little thing, but when you see that girl, you know you're really in the presence of something. In that league there's only ever been Garbo, and the other Hepburn, and maybe Bergman. It's a rare quality, but boy, do you know when you've found it.

If you have a problem with the third act, the real problem is in the first act.

You're as good as the best thing you've ever done.

Love is the hardest thing in the world to write about. So simple. You've got to catch it through details, like the early morning sunlight hitting the gray tin of the rain spout in front of her house. The ringing of a telephone that sounds like Beethoven's "Pastoral." A letter scribbled on her office stationery that you carry around in your pocket because it smells of all the lilacs in Ohio.

Make subtlety obvious.

The only pictures worth making are the ones that are playing with fire.

If you don't like what you're doing, it's unlikely anyone else will either, so be sure you are happy with your own work first.

The more subtle and elegant you are in hiding your plot points, the better you are as a writer.

She was an absolute genius as a comedic actress, with an extraordinary sense for comedic dialogue. It was a God-given gift. Believe me, in the last fifteen years there were ten projects that came to me, and I'd start working on them and I'd think, 'It's not going to work, it needs Marilyn Monroe.' Nobody else is in that orbit; everyone else is earthbound by comparison.

I, you know, am all over the place — every category of pictures I have made, good, bad or indifferent. I could not make, like Hitchcock did, one Hitchcock picture after another. … I wanted to do a Hitchcock picture, so I did `Witness for the Prosecution,’ then I was bored with it, so I moved on.

I never overestimate the audience, nor do I underestimate them. I just have a very rational idea as to who we’re dealing with, and that we’re not making a picture for Harvard Law School, we’re making a picture for middle-class people, the people that you see on the subway, or the people that you see in a restaurant. Just normal people.

I just made pictures I would've liked to see.

God save me from myself.

My English is a mixture between Arnold Schwarzenegger and Archbishop Tutu.

A bad play folds and is forgotten, but in pictures we don't bury our dead. When you think it's out of your system, your daughter sees it on television and says, My father is an idiot.

I just always think, 'Do I like it?' And if I like it, maybe other people will come and like it too.

Well, nobody's perfect.

Happiness is working with Jack Lemmon.

If something smells bad, why put your nose in it?

The forest of Compiegne. Look at it. Like a kind grandmother dozing in her rocking chair. Old trees practicing curtsies in the wind because they still think Louis XIV is king.

If there's anything I hate more than being taken seriously, it's being taken too seriously.

I just thought here is comedy, here is tragedy. That is the way life is. I just tried to do it true to life.

It used to be that we in films were the lowest form of art. Now we have something to look down on. (Of Television)

Agents are like tires on a car; in order to get anywhere at all, youneed at least four of them, and they need to be rotated every 5,000 miles.