Tim Allen Men Quotations

I like Pixie Sticks. Yeah, screw the middle man. Just a tube of sugar... I'd pour two of those in a big 12 ounce coke. And I'd go out to catechism class and try to concentrate on the priest. I saw Jesus several times. I swear I did.

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.

In the last three years of racing I've met as many women fans as men fans, and in NASCAR it's the same thing. My wife loves cars, but the difference is she doesn't have 20 years of understanding the background of them. She basically drives them and uses her gut feelings as to which is best.

Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.

Men aren't men until they can get to Sears by themselves.

Real men don't use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer's opinion on how to put this together.

My stepfather stepped in where no man would've stepped in - six kids, five of them boys - and that's heroic.

But separate a man from his car - that's inhuman.

To get a man's attention, just stand in front of the TV and don't move. He'll talk to you. I promise.

I am a thespian trapped in a man's body.

Men often do things for women that they don't want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don't want to do.

Why go to a church to worship God? A church is man made. God never said, "And let there be aluminum siding." Climbing a tree to talk to God sounds like a better idea since only God can make a tree. And if that tree's on a golf course, all the better.

Men aren't allowed to have self-esteem, because we're already supposed to have all the power.... But most men earn less than they want, barely the minimum wage. They're drones. They do stuff they don't want to do to support their families, and they're not sure why they do it. They don't know what they're doing half the time, and any time we stick up for ourselves, we're pigs because we don't know how to articulate our frustrations and joys.

Man is the only animal to borrow tools.