Andy Borowitz Christmas Quotations

Xmas Trivia: Before it became a major shopping holiday, Christmas is believed to have had a "religious" meaning.

Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.

Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.

You can return all the Christmas gifts you want, but you will never get back the time spent with your relatives.

As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.

Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew's Birthday.