Chelsea Handler Mean Quotations

I wasn’t like 'Oh, I'm going to marry 50 Cent...' I mean, seriously. But I did like him. He's very sweet and antithetical to what you'd think of him.

I wanted to kick Bruce in the taint. No one is just one thing. Many things contribute to the whole of a person, and just because vodka accounts for 50 percent of my body weight, that doesn't mean I walk around with a vodka drip, forcing every plant, person, or animal to imbibe. I've always had a disliking for animal trainers, and this guy cemented my theory that people who chaperone animals for a living have never had a girl sit on their face.

I hate when men think that money is gonna buy you happiness... I mean, it helps.

I don't mean to be a racist but if you're going to get raped by a Japanese guy, it's not going to hurt at all.

Getting rewarded for being pregnant when you're a teenager? Are you serious? I mean, that makes me want to kill somebody.

It's good that people don't like you. That's good. It means that you are doing something interesting.