Christopher Moore Guy Quotations

Normally if I met a guy who was unemployed and illiterate who hadn't bathed in a couple of weeks, I'd be standing in a puddle with excitement, but I'm sort of in a bad mood tonight, so take this bag and give me the fu**ing paper before I pop your head like a zit. He said, you're a lesbian, aren't you?

Nobody's perfect. Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him....

Like most Beta Males, he didn't realize that being a good guy was not necessarily an attraction to women.

It's very difficult to stay angry when a room full of bald guys in orange robes start giggling. Buddhism.

...One time you take a hundred thousand dollars and let a vampire go, the whole world turns on you like you're some kind of bad guy.

He invented Kung Fu when translated to English means method by which short, bald guys can kick the bejeezus out of you.

Gallery owners know me, but they never say, 'Hello,' because they don't want other people to know they know me, ... I have a little flag on my head saying, 'I'm the guy doing the fake things.'