Christopher Moore Mean Quotations

Just because he was pretty didn't mean he couldn't be improved by a smack upside the head with a piece of earnest hickory

Enchantment and seduction were fine means of persuasion, but when time is short, an awkward but quick concussion could better serve a girl's purpose.

Advice, then, young yeoman: When referring to the king's middle daughter, state that she is fair, speculate that she is pious, but unless you'd like to spend your watch looking for the box where your head is kept, resist the urge to wax ignorant on her naughty bits." -Pocket I don't know what that means, sir." -Yeoman Speak not of Regan's shaggacity, son" [...] -Pocket

He invented Kung Fu when translated to English means method by which short, bald guys can kick the bejeezus out of you.

Do we still have to floss?" Tommy asked. "I mean, what's the point of being immortal if we have to floss?