Demetri Martin Want Quotations

As a creative person, you want to have a foothold and sense of progress.

If you want to dry hump someone you don't know, just act like they were choking.

I don't want to be my own boss. I want to be my own colleague.

Don't talk to strangers. Sure, unless you want to meet anyone ever.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

I live in New York and there are a lot of famous... pizzerias in my neighborhood, it's really hard to find one that isn't famous. Which sucks sometimes, you know what I mean, sometimes I don't want all that glitz and glamour, I just want something delicious, you know? I don't need a celebrity in my mouth, Ray's Up And Coming Pizza would be fine.

When someone shows you a picture of their kids what they don't want to hear is Oh, yeah, I got pictures of your kid too.

I want to launch a globe into space just to mess with the astronauts.

Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you don't want your clocks to be set to the right time.

A musical is the same as a burlap sack, I would not want to be in either

When someone asks you the question 'Are you ticklish' it doesn't matter if you say yes or no, cause they're going to touch you. If someone asks if you're ticklish and you don't want to be touched you should something like 'I have diarrhea, now don't touch me cause you'll make it come out... and yes I'm very ticklish'.

Cottonballs are an example of something I'd want to buy, but not have as a nickname.

I've met a few people who were passive-aggressive, but I've never met anyone who was aggressive-passive. I don't want tacos! Maybe.

I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.

I want to make a revolving door that says 'Pull' on it, just see how obedient people are.