Jimmy Fallon People Quotations

Thank you, people who say 'Wow, you're really photogenic,' for not saying what you really mean: 'Wow, you're really ugly in person.'

'Moldova: Yes or No?' That's a great app, and we actually used the geo-locator on your phone, so if you are in Moldova, it will say 'Yes, you're in Moldova.' I'm so excited. People need that. That's the whole point. The whole reason you buy a $500 phone is to see if you are... in Moldova. Or not.

I get that all the time, ... People come up and say, 'Me and my wife think you're so funny.' They think I'm him. But that's OK.

L.A., it's nice, but I think of sunshine and people on rollerblades eating sushi. New York, I think of nighttime, I think of Times Square and Broadway and nightlife and the city that never sleeps.

People have disliked me. You know, in high school, I wasn't the most popular kid. I wasn't the nerdiest kid. I was kind of in the middle.

The running across the field thing, that was the first scene we shot in the movie. We asked the audience to stay for the scene, and 37,000 people stayed.

I don't like to kick people when they're down. I like to kick people when they're up.

It would've been amazing [to work as programmer]. You're good at numbers, you're good with people, you like to wear shorts in the summertime.

The federal government is starting to plan for climate change by making extended forecasts that can help people plan for extreme weather - because what can go wrong when you combine the efficiency of government with the accuracy of weathermen?

Honestly, I just want to keep people awake. Or at least give you one joke to go to bed with.

I can't believe there are so many people who aren't us.

New Defense Secretary Ashton Carter said that he is open to letting transgender people serve in the military. He said there's no reason to prevent people from being generals just because of their privates.

After facing backlash from customers, Subway says it will remove a chemical in its bread that is also found in yoga mats. Some people were like, 'You mean I've been eating a dangerous chemical?' While most people were like, 'You mean I can eat my yoga mat?'

A new study found that most people can't go 10 minutes without lying. But since the study took 20 minutes nobody knows what to believe.

A recent study found that people lie more when they are texting. Yeah, especially that one lie: "Sorry, just got your text!

Steven Spielberg is going to release a biopic about Abraham Lincoln next year. Right, that's a good way to honor Lincoln – by sending people to the theater.

Listening is more important than talking. Just hit your mark and believe what you say. Just listen to people and react to what they are saying.

People ask me, Jimmy, howd you get here tonight. Lets just say it involved a two-hour make-out session with Elaine Stritch. It got pretty heavy actually, I almost had to host.

Democrats have been doing everything they can to get young people and college students to vote in the midterms. Though if you want students to participate in something, maybe you shouldn't call them midterms.

The pipeline would run from Canada to the Gulf Coast. It'll be the biggest underground structure leading into the U.S. Then people in Mexico said, 'Eh . . . second biggest.'

Donald Trump got in some trouble for saying that John McCain is not a war hero, and said, 'I like people that weren't captured.' Not good. In fact, Trump's people are telling him to lay low for a while until this all combs over.

A group called the Texas Tea Party Patriots is hosting a debate next month where Newt Gingrich and Herman Cain will go head to head, while people watching that will go head to pillow.

I like to see people laugh who are normally serious.

Today President Obama gave a major speech where he defended his handling of the economy. And there were tons of people in the audience, you know, since nobody had to be at work.

I remember people saying to us, "You're too nice. Hollywood is going to eat you up and spit you out." I never listened to them.

When I see professional clowns, mimes, or people who makes ballon animals, I think of their relatives and how disappointed they must be.

People are being really picky about the upcoming election. I read that Americans do not want the next president to be a first-term senator, be over 65, or have a former president in the family. Then the Secret Service said, 'Hey, whoever slips through slips through. No promises.'

The Senate came one vote short of granting approval to build the Keystone pipeline. Democrats say the pipeline could accelerate global warming. Then people who've been outside today said, 'Sounds good to me. Let's accelerate that global warming.'

If people want to see you, they'll find you. If they don't see you on TV, they'll find you on the Internet.

I can watch an episode of Jerry Seinfeld, and by the end, I'm just walking around my house, you know, talking like Jerry Seinfeld. 'What is that? What are you doing? Who is it? What's going' - you know, I just had that thing, when I grew up, I'd just start talking like people. You know, I always had that.

The Senate has passed a new bill that requires TV stations to lower the volume level on commercials. This is great, a hundred of the most powerful people in the nation have managed to do the same thing my remote does.

President Obama just made his first presidential trip to the state of Utah. Obama spent his time in Utah just like you'd expect - telling people, 'Uh, no, I don't play for the Jazz.'

Apparently, the Obamas chose New York City because they've gotten so used to people trying to break into their house.

During the CPAC conference, Rand Paul told the crowd it was time for a new president and that people need to help make the change. Of course, most people agreed with him, since that's how term limits work.

Hillary Clinton is receiving criticism after telling a crowd to 'unlock their full potential,' because that line is commonly used by another possible candidate, Carly Fiorina. People said, 'You can't just steal someone's slogan like that!' And Hillary said, 'Yes we can!'

Yesterday, the Supreme Court spent over an hour listening to arguments on whether Obamacare is unconstitutional. Yeah, listening to arguments about Obamacare for an hour, or as most people call that, 'Thanksgiving Dinner.'

Apple is developing a service called Home Kit that will allow people to operate gadgets like garage openers and thermostats through one app. In related news, please don't tell my parents about this. I can't be explaining this stuff every week.

A new poll also shows that a majority of people in Colorado think Hillary Clinton is not trustworthy. Although, that's not saying much coming from the most paranoid state in America. 'Hillary Clinton? She's a cop?'

Today Carly Fiorina announced that she is running for president. Someone else bought 'CarlyFiorina.org' and posted 30,000 sad emoticons to represent all the people she laid off at Hewlett-Packard. I haven't seen that many sad, blank faces in one place since the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight.