Mark Twain Would Quotations

What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce.

We find not much in ourselves to admire, we are always privately wanting to be like somebody else. If everybody was satisfied with himself, there would be no heroes

Presbyterianism without infant damnation would be like the dog on the train that couldn't be identified because it had lost its tag.

If Christians should vote their duty to God at the polls, they would carry every election, and do it with ease. They would elect every clean candidate in the United States, and defeat every soiled one. Their prodigious power would be quickly realized and recognized, and afterward there would be no unclean candidates upon any ticket, and graft would cease.

I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

If all men were rich, all men would be poor.

When I take up one of Jane Austen's books ... I feel like a barkeep entering the kingdom of heaven. I know what his sensation would be and his private comments. He would not find the place to his taste, and he would probably say so.

If they [the dead] should speak, it would be found that in matters of opinion no departed person was exactly what he had passed for in life. They would realise, deep down, that they, and whole nations along with them, are not really what they seem to be-and never can be.

Learn from the mistakes of others - you won't live long enough to make them all yourself. He's opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer him the position.