Ellen DeGeneres Quotations

But seriously, I think overall in the scheme of things winning an Emmy is not important. Let's get our priorities straight. I think we all know what's really important in life - winning an Oscar.

Sometimes you can't see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others.

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.

I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.

In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.

I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.

Just go up to somebody on the street and say 'You're it!' and then run away.

I'm on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave it, and then I'm gonna rip it off.

I was coming home from kindergarten - well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. It's good for a kid to know how to make gloves.

Yeah I'm thirty-six, but on the show I'm thirty-two. Nobody wants to watch a thirty-six year old woman, so they decided to make me thirty-two. Much more appealing somehow.

My aunt has lost everything, she has nothing,

My aunt has lost everything, she has nothing. She grabbed four pictures out of her house. She's lost her entire life.

I guess I don't have to point this out, that it's the second time I've hosted the Emmys after a national tragedy. And I just want to say that I'm honored because it's times like this that we really need laughter,

When I asked her what she missed the most right now she said, 'My friends. I don't know where my friends are,' ... Tonight, let's show people on the Gulf Coast that they have friends all over the world . . . to give them shelter from the storm.

My dog of 17 years just died. Oh you're kidding?...Noooo...as funny as that is, I'm not

New Orleans holds a special place in my heart, because it is where I grew up,

New Orleans is my hometown, and I have family in Mississippi.

New Orleans is my home town, and it's gone,

New Orleans is my hometown, and our thoughts and prayers go out to everyone affected.

I didn't want the Web site to be impersonal and I wanted to interact with people, ... The hammer and chisel bit was not as easy as it looks. We broke 137 monitors trying to get that done.

I would say 'no'! It's such a thankless job. If you do great, nobody mentions it. If you don't, everyone complains. It's a lot of work.

I feel sorry for the newscasters you know? We can turn it off. But that's their job and they have to read these stories and they're just coming up on the teleprompter they don't know what's coming up. and they have to go through these change of emotions. That.. "There were no survivors...And next Which candybar helps ya lose weight! Still to come! Is an asteroid headed towards earth...But first where to find the cheesiest pizza in town! Also, a disturbing study finds that studies are disturbing...

I loved doing the show every week, ... This was an important chapter of my life and although I'm disappointed the show was canceled, I look forward to moving beyond the stereotype. Look for me in my new sitcom, 'Two Girls, a Horse and Some Wine Coolers.'

I absolutely think what Oprah did helps. For people to be honest and outraged and show what's going on ... I'm thrilled when people can get down there and paint a picture, tell the story, see a face.

Hello?..Oh, hi Tom. Ooh, I've been dying to see that movie...Mmm no, I just opened up some yogurt. I am in for the night....Not even later, it's the kind with the fruit on the bottom. Thanks anyway. Have fun." "Oh...Sorry I'm late...Traffic. Hm. Really? How you think I got here? Hellacoptered in?

Just go up to somebody on the street and say "You're it!" and just run away.

just help the way you can. It doesn't have to be money. It can be any way that you can.

I swear if Colgate comes out with one more type of toothepaste. I just want clean teeth that's all I want. I don't want the tartar and I don't want the cavaties. And I want white teeth. How come I have to choose? And then they have the 'Colgate Total' that supposedly has everything in there. I don't believe that for one second. If it's all in the one, how come they make all the others? Who's going: "I don't mind the tartar so much."?

I think I let go of the need for approval,

I think it's sort of representative of a freedom that I have, and I know I have, and I think a lot of people don't have that,

We'll go see some theater, and we'll hang out and do some stuff there. We'll go to clubs, ... Ellen DeGeneres Show.

This Sunday you and I can go to open houses.

For someone like me, who loves to sweat and push herself, it's a challenge to slow down, to sit, to breathe and hold poses.

And now I've got to explain the smell that was in there before I went in there. Does that ever happen to you? It's not your fault. You've held your breath, you just wanna get out, and now you open the door and you have to explain, 'Oh! Listen, there's an odor in there and I didn't do it. It's bad.

Anne wrote it for me and directed, so I was stuck with it, ... We always got along. It's almost gross, I tell you, when I think of how well we get along.

Tonight let's show people on the Gulf Coast that they have friends all over the world, friends who care, who understand and are there to give them shelter from the storm.

Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.

somebody who was glorious in their ability to be who they were and to tell the world. ... It, to me, was my dream come true.

We'd all love to have an Oscar. Boy, I'd like to host that show!

There are a million people who are refugees, ... Life goes on, and if it didn't impact you directly, you may not realize how devastating this is.

We're putting a face on something that a lot of people don't understand, ... And we want to give people some information before they make up their minds and judge us.

Oh she tripped?....Nooo, she's running. I thought she tripped but she's running. She stopped running, she did trip. You tripped!!!

Seriously, I think overall in the scheme of things, winning an Emmy is not important,

I'm really, really honored because it's times like these that we really need to laugh, ... And look for me next month when I host the North Korean People's Choice Awards.

I'm feeling so good. I feel like a million bucks. I'm focused, I'm alert, I'm zippy and top of my game.. I've never felt better! I'm sharp as a tack right now. And what's weird is that I didn't get a good nights sleep last night. And they say that's the most important thing..Or is it breakfast they said?..That's the most important meal of the day, breakfast...yes. And then it's 'i' before 'e' I know that..Um.. diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dog is a man's best friend.. What was I talking about?..Oh that's right, that I feel great and I'm at the top of my game. And it's odd because I didn't get hardly any sleep last night. And, they say that's the most important thing.

I know everyone is going to say that our leaving is just another bid for attention, but what we've found is that this is a very hard town to be truthful in,

It's a movie about love, ... That's all it is. There are tons of straight love stories and this is ... another movie about love.

It's definitely a heterosexual feeling, but it's directed at you.

The world is filled with negativity. I want people to watch me and think, “I feel good, and I’m going to make somebody else feel good today.

The most important thing in your life is to live your life with integrity and to not give in to peer pressure to try to be something that you're not.

Find out who you are and be that person. That's what your soul was put on this Earth to be. Find that truth, live that truth and everything else will come.

Normally, I try not to pay attention to my haters, but this time I'd like to talk about it, because my haters are my motivators.

Human beings only use ten percent of their brains. Ten percent! Can you imagine how much we could accomplish if we used the other sixty percent?

Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings.

I personally chose to go vegan because I educated myself on factory farming and cruelty to animals, and I suddenly realized that what was on my plate were living things, with feelings. And I just couldn't disconnect myself from it any longer. I read books like 'Diet for a New America' and saw documentaries like 'Earthlings' and 'Meet your Meat,' and it became an easy choice for me.

If someone ever says you’re weird, say thank you.

If we're destroying our trees and destroying our environment and hurting animals and hurting one another and all that stuff, there's got to be a very powerful energy to fight that. I think we need more love in the world. We need more kindness, more compassion, more joy, more laughter. I definitely want to contribute to that.

Honestly, we'd probably be great parents. But it's a human being, and unless you think you have excellent skills and have a drive or yearning in you to do that, the amount of work that that is and responsibility - I wouldn't want to screw them up! We love our animals.

I'd like to be more patient! I just want everything now. I've tried to meditate, but it's really hard for me to stay still. I'd like to try to force myself to do it, because everybody says how wonderful meditation is for you, but I can't shut my mind up. So patience and learning is the key.

Beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. It's about knowing and accepting who you are.

This is my real secret to being a joyful person: I make my life easy. I spend more time being grateful for what I have instead of focusing on what isn't working. I no longer believe that people have to do things my way and that I have to be perfect.

The definition of success changes. Success is to live your life with integrity and not give in to peer pressure to be something you're not. Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else's path; unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path, then by all means, you should follow that.

If you want to get rid of stuff, you can always do a good spring-cleaning. Or you can do what I do. Move.

My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada.

Now,I'm no scientist,but I know what endorphins are. They're tiny little magical elves that swim through your blood stream and tell funny jokes to each other. When they reach your brain,you hear what they're saying and that boosts your health and happiness. "Knock Knock... Who's There?.. Little endorphin... Little endorphin who?... Little Endorphin Annie." And then the endorphins laugh and then you laugh. See? Its Science.

Penguins mate for life. Which doesn't really surprise me, because they all look exactly alike. It's not like they're gonna meet a better-looking penguin someday.

Find out who you are and figure out what you believe in. Even if it's different from what your neighbors believe in and different from what your parents believe in. Stay true to yourself. Have your own opinion. Don't worry about what people say about you or think about you. Let the naysayers nay. They will eventually grow tired of naying.

Being a teenager and figuring out who you are is hard enough without someone attacking you

What's New Orleans without music? And what's music without dancing?

Never follow anyone else's path, unless you're in the woods and you're lost.

The reason I do what I do is because I was influenced by Steve Martin, by Woody Allen, by Bob Newhart, by Carol Burnett, by Lucille Ball.

Our flaws are what makes us human. If we can accept them as part of who we are, they really don't even have to be an issue.

It's failure that gives you the proper perspective on success.

I don't know what people are scared of...maybe they think their children will be influenced by gay marriage, but I've got to tell you, I was raised by two heterosexuals. Everywhere I looked - heterosexuals. And they did not influence me. It's time we love people for who they are and let them love who they want.

When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important.

Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.

I was raised around heterosexuals, as all heterosexuals are, that's where us gay people come from... you heterosexuals.

Laugh. Laugh as much as you can. Laugh until you cry. Cry until you laugh. Keep doing it even if people are passing you on the street saying, "I can't tell if that person is laughing or crying, but either way they seem crazy, let's walk faster." Emote. It's okay. It shows you are thinking and feeling.

Now we have hands-free phones, so you can focus on the thing you're really supposed to be doing ... chances are, if you need both of your hands to do something, your brain should be in on it too.

We all feel like idiots at one time or another. Even if we feel we're cool 98 percent of the time, that 2-percent doofus is poised to take over our bodies without any warning.

It's our challenges and obstacles that give us layers of depth and make us interesting.

Asking who's the 'man' and who's the 'woman' in a same-sex relationship is like asking which chopstick is the fork.

Do we have to know who's gay and who's straight? Can't we just love everybody and judge them by the car they drive?

When your heart is broken, when your heart has cracks in it, it lets the light in.

Please raise your children with love and non-judgement. Tell them everyone has the right to love who they want to love. It shouldn’t threaten you or who you are.

Life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy by yourself and for yourself. Happiness comes from within. You have the power to change your own mindset so that all the negative, horrible thoughts that try to invade your psyche are replaced with happy, positive, wonderful thoughts.

Haters are my motivators

The way I see it... If you need both of your hands for whatever it is you're doing, then your brain should probably be in on it too.

If you're in a position where you can help other people, there is nothing better in life than helping other people. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!

Some of the most devastating things that happen to you will teach you the most

I feel like I have a hangover, without all the happy memories and mystery bruises.

Emote. It's okay. It shows you are thinking and feeling.

Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life span is a mere five to fourteen days.

You just have to keep driving down the road. It's going to bend and curve and you'll speed up and slow down, but the road keeps going.

I know there's always going to be feedback no matter what the subject. I am shocked by somebody commenting on my shoes or my clothes. Everyone has an opinion, everyone is logging about everything and has an opinion. So I can't possibly pay attention to that.

I just feel like every kid is growing up too fast and they're seeing too much. Everything is about sex, and that's fine for me. I'm not saying I don't like it. But I don't think it should be everywhere, where kids are exposed to everything sexual. Because they have to have some innocence; there's just no innocence left.

I never see the glass half empty because I drink out the bottle

It is a fundamental right for people to be allowed to love who they want to love and marry who they want to marry and stop holding on to some form of discrimination that it's just isn't fair.

If anybody could put themselves in that situation of feeling a giant loud voice saying you don't deserve the same rights, you are different and you are not equal, it feels really bad.

There's no one way to dance. And that's kind of my philosophy about everything.