Ellen DeGeneres Hilarious Quotations

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.

Just go up to somebody on the street and say 'You're it!' and then run away.

I was raised around heterosexuals, as all heterosexuals are, that's where us gay people come from... you heterosexuals.

Do we have to know who's gay and who's straight? Can't we just love everybody and judge them by the car they drive?

I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.

Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.

Now airlines charge for everything... If the oxygen mask drops, you have to swipe your credit card to start the flow of the oxygen.