Stephen Colbert Gay Quotations

There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell.

I can't be gay! I'm a happily married conservative, just like Ted Haggard and Larry Craig.

Can accidentally eating halal food make you Muslim? Yes, the same way drinking a cosmo can make you gay.

There once was a man name Barack, Whose re-election came as a shock. He raised the taxes I pay, And then turned marriage gay. And now he's coming after your glock.

In the beginning, a monkey evolutioned gay marriage.

But you are also the biggest threat of all ...You are a gay person I like. Your threat is that you make being gay seem non-threatening. It's almost as if your happiness does not take mine away.

If Obama can force you to get health insurance just by calling it a tax, than there is nothing to stop him from making you gay marry an illegal immigrant wearing a condom on a hydroponic pot farm powered by solar energy.

History moves fast. It's hard to believe that gay Americans achieved full constitutional personhood just five years after corporations did!

If God wanted us to accept gays, he'd have made us compassionate

In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth.” Sorry, Darwin-huggers, but it’s not “In the beginning, a monkey evolutioned gay marriage.

Baby carrots are making me gay.

If you are a hermaphrodite, it is physically impossible to be gay.

Am I proud of being straight? No. You know why? Because if I start acting proud, that's going to make me seem kind of gay.