Jimmy Carr Girlfriend Quotations

My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian...

I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat.

Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"

There was one time where I failed to perform sexually. My girlfriend said to me "oh don't worry, it happens to a lot of guys". Ok, there are two things wrong with that. First of all who are these other guys?, and second of all if it's happening to more than one of us, don't you think it could be YOUR fault?

My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her, so I said "Alright, fatty."