Sarcasm Quotations

I grew up in an environment of jokes and sarcasm and puns. I talk that way, so I write that way.

A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually.

Avoid sarcasm. Don't insist on the last word.

I'm so sick of sarcasm and irony, I could kill! Sincerely, the real root of things is love and sacrifice.

Sarcasm is weird. Even not in acting, in life I feel like 'sarcastic' is a word that people use to describe me sometimes so when I meet someone, it's almost like they feel like they have to also be sarcastic, but it can sometimes just come off as mean if it's not used in the right way.

You can't find any true closeness in Hollywood, because everybody does the fake closeness so well.

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.

You had to learn at a certain age what sarcasm is, you know?

Somebody says, 'Do a Tom Bodett, a folksy kind of thing,' and it sounds like something out of 'Hee Haw,' very insulting. They turn wry humor into disparaging sarcasm, and you get what amounts to insulting advertising.

My natural-born sarcasm, when it's unimpeded, can be a bit overbearing at times and I'm the first to admit that.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.

This music won't do. There's not enough sarcasm in it.

As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don't.

The clear problem of the outlawing of insult is that too many things can be interpreted as such. Criticism, ridicule, sarcasm, merely stating an alternative point of view to the orthodoxy, can be interpreted as insult.

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.

Sometimes Americans don't quite get my sense of humor. My good ol' British sarcasm seems to go over their heads.

Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.

Satire is a sort of glass, wherein beholders do generally discover everybody's face but their own.

When I first started writing, I was living in England and I had that uniquely English sense of sarcasm, which has definitely seemed to have left me. I am a naturalized American and my sensibility has become far more American.

The one function that TV news performs very well is that when there is no news we give it to you with the same emphasis as if it were.

Unemployment is capitalism's way of getting you to plant a garden.

Laws are like sausages, it is better not to see them being made.

I'll speak for myself, but there's a lot of humor to be found in sarcasm and darkness. You talk to any paramedic, they survive by developing a pretty off-kilter sense of humor.

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.

My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain.

Do unto yourself as your neighbors do unto themselves and look pleasant.

Her virtue was that she said what she thought, her vice that what she thought didn't amount to much.

My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me.

Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you.

Events in the past may be roughly divided into those which probably never happened and those which do not matter.

I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

I love the French for their sarcasm, their irony. I love them for their bad moods.

The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.

When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.

Fools are my theme, let satire be my song.

People want to know why I do this, why I write such gross stuff. I like to tell them I have the heart of a small boy... and I keep it in a jar on my desk.

If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done.

Death will be a great relief. No more interviews.

Sarcasm: the last refuge of modest and chaste-souled people when the privacy of their soul is coarsely and intrusively invaded.

I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.

Bureaucracy defends the status quo long past the time when the quo has lost its status.

A good listener is usually thinking about something else.

What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.

Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.

There is no such thing as an underestimate of average intelligence.

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.

Some people approach every problem with an open mouth.

Whom the gods wish to destroy they first call promising.

Man was created a little lower than the angels and has been getting a little lower ever since.

All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.

It ain't often that a man's reputation outlasts his money.

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.

Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.

Sarcasm I now see to be, in general, the language of the devil; for which reason I have long since as good as renounced it.

Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't!

Satirists gain the applause of others through fear, not through love.

Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper.

It's easier to replace a dead man than a good picture.

I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would be an affront to your intelligence.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

I like sarcasm. I like snark.

I love talking about the Kennedy assasination. The reason I do is because I'm fascinated by it. I'm fascinated that our government could lie to us so blatantly, so obviously for so long, and we do absolutely nothing about it. I think that's interesting in what is ostensibly a democracy. Sarcasm - come on in. People say Bill, quit talking about Kennedy man. It was a long time ago, just let it go, alright? It's a long time ago, just forget it. I'm like, alright, then don't bring up Jesus to me. As long as we're talking shelf life here...

Canada has a passive-aggressive culture, with a lot of sarcasm and righteousness. That went with my weird messianic complex. The ego is a fascinating monster. I was taught from a young age that I had to serve, so that turned into me thinking I had to save the planet.

Sarcasm is weird. Even not in acting, in life I feel 'sarcastic' is a word that people use to describe me sometimes so when I meet someone, it's almost they feel they have to also be sarcastic, but it can sometimes just come off as mean if it's not used in the right way.

I think I might be known for my sarcasm and my humor. And yet I always come off as the sweet girl in things. Even in interviews.

Muscles come and go; flab lasts.

You know, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.' 'And yet it is still extremely funny.

You have delighted us long enough.

I have my own views about Nature's methods, though I feel that it is rather like a beetle giving his

Well, I'm a bacteriologist, you know. I live in a nine-hundred-diameter microscope. I can hardly claim to take serious notice of anything that I can see with my naked eye.

The unexpected has happened so continually in my life that it has ceased to deserve the name.

This looks like one of those unwelcome social summonses which call upon a man either to be bored or to lie.

I trust that age doth not wither nor custom stale my infinite variety.

I feel that there is reason lurking in you somewhere, so we will patiently grope round for it.

An absence of antecedents and of relatives is sometimes an aid rather than an impediment to social advancement . . .

Detection is, or ought to be, an exact science, and should be treated in the same cold and unemotional manner. You have attempted to tinge it with romanticism, which produces much the same effect as if you worked a love-story or an elopement into the fifth proposition of Euclid.

Well, sir, let us do what we can to curtail this visit, which can hardly be agreeable to you, and is inexpressibly irksome to me.

You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm. It's really funny.

I do sarcasm really poorly.

I want either less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.

The time for action is past! Now is the time for senseless bickering!

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

I can do only one thing at a time, but I can avoid doing many things simultaneously.

And yet the motives of women are so inscrutable. You remember the woman at Margate whom I suspected for the same reason. No powder on her nose - that proved to be the correct solution. How can you build on such a quicksand? Their most trivial action may mean volumes, or their most extraordinary conduct may depend upon a hairpin or a curling tongs.

Living, as I do, in an educated and scientific atmosphere, I could not have conceived that the first principles of zoology were so little known. Is it possible that you do not know the elementary fact in comparative anatomy, that the wing of a bird is really the forearm, while the wing of a bat consists of three elongated fingers with membranes between?

I think you want a little unofficial help. Three undetected murders in one year won't do, Lestrade. But you handled the Molesey Mystery with less than your usual - that's to say, you handled it fairly well.

One dumb-bell, Watson! Consider an athlete with one dumb-bell. Picture to yourself the unilateral development - the imminent danger of a spinal curvature. Shocking, Watson, shocking!

There seems to me to be absolutely no limit to the inanity and credulity of the human race. Homo Sapiens! Homo idioticus!

"I have seen those symptoms before," said Holmes, throwing his cigarette into the fire. "Oscillation upon the pavement always means an affaire de coeur."

I am engaged in answering that Italian buffoon, Mazotti, whose views upon the larval development of the tropical termites have excited my derision and contempt . . .

"Dr. Munro, sir," said he, "I am a walking museum. You could fit what ISN'T the matter with me on to the back of a -- visiting card. If there's any complaint you want to make a special study of, just you come to me, sir, and see what I can do for you. It's not every one that can say that he has had cholera three times, and cured himself by living on red pepper and brandy."

"There are one or two elementary rules to be observed in the way of handling patients," he remarked, seating himself on the table and swinging his legs. "The most obvious is that you must never let them see that you want them. It should be pure condescension on your part seeing them at all; and the more difficulties you throw in the way of it, the more they think of it. Break your patients in early, and keep them well to heel."