Noel Coward Quotations

Wit ought to be a glorious treat like caviar; never spread it about like marmalade.

I've sometimes thought of marrying - and then I've thought again.

It's discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.

I have a memory like an elephant. In fact, elephants often consult me.

I don't believe in astrology. The only stars I can blame for my failures are those that walk about the stage.

It is discouraging how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.

I have always paid income tax. I object only when it reaches a stage when I am threatened with having nothing left for my old age - which is due to start next Tuesday or Wednesday.

I love criticism just so long as it's unqualified praise.

Never mind, dear, we're all made the same, though some more than others.

If you must have motivation, think of your paycheck on Friday.

I'll go through life either first class or third, but never in second.

Mona Lisa looks as if she has just been sick, or is about to be.

Success took me to her bosom like a maternal boa constrictor.

The higher the building the lower the morals.

Let's drink to the spirit of gallantry and courage that made a strange Heaven out of unbelievable Hell, and let's drink to the hope that one day this country of ours, which we love so much, will find dignity and greatness and peace again.

We have no reliable guarantee that the afterlife will be any less exasperating than this one, have we?

My body has certainly wandered a good deal, but I have an uneasy suspicion that my mind has not wandered enough.

I'm not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.

That strange feeling we had in the war. Have you found anything in your lives since to equal it in strength? A sort of splendid carelessness it was, holding us together.

Just say the lines and don't trip over the furniture.

Someday I suspect, when Jesus has definitely got me for a sunbeam, my works may be adequately assessed.

People are wrong when they say opera is not what it used to be. It is what it used to be. That is what's wrong with it.

Learn the lines and don't bump into the furniture.

I believe that since my life began / The most I've had is just / A talent to amuse.

Whatever crimes the Proletariat commits / It can't be beastly to the Children of the Ritz.

Time has convinced me of one thing: Television is for appearing on - not for looking at

There are bad times just around the corner,/ We can all look forward to despair, / It's as clear as crystal / From Bridlington to Bristol / That we can't save democracy / And we don't much care.

I've over-educated myself in all the things I shouldn't have known at all

Put somebody you love in the audience in your mind and work for them,

There's sand in the porridge and sand in the bed, / And if this is pleasure we'd rather be dead.

We're Regency Rakes / And each of us makes / A personal issue / Of adipose tissue.

Dance, dance, dance little lady, / Leave tomorrow behind.

Sunburn is very becoming, but only when it is even - one must be careful not to look like a mixed grill

But it must be somebody who loves you. The best was my father, or Harry.

He sleeps and sleeps, and the days go by, ... I love him dearly and for ever, but this lack of drive in any direction is a bad augury for the future. I am willing and happy to look after him for the rest of my life, but he must do something. If only he would take up some occupation and stick to it. I know that he is unhappy inside but, alas, with his natural resilience these moments of self-revelation dissipate and on go the years, and he will be an elderly man who has achieved nothing at all.

It was not Cafe Society, it was Nescafe Society.

I refuse to endure months of expensive humiliation only to be told that at the age of four I was in love with my rocking horse

The higher the buildings, the lower the morals

I am not a heavy drinker. I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.

Work is much more fun than fun.

Consider the public. Never fear it nor despise it. Coax it, charm it, interest it, stimulate it, shock it now and then if you must, make it laugh, make it cry, but above all never, never, never bore the living hell out of it.

You will know you're old when you cease to be amazed.

How was your flight? Well, aeronautically it was a great success. Socially, it left quite a bit to be desired.

Work hard, do the best you can, don't ever lose faith in yourself and take no notice of what other people say about you.

A perfect martini should be made by filling a glass with gin then waving it in the general direction of Italy.

Why do I drink Champagne for breakfast? Doesn't everyone?

But why, oh why, do the wrong people travel, when the right people stay at home?

Sunburn is very becoming - but only when it is even - one must be careful not to look like a mixed grill.

I do not intend to let myself down more than I can possibly help, and I find that the fewer illusions I have about myself or the world around me, the better company I am for myself.

I will accept anything in the theatre . . . provided it amuses or moves me. But if it does neither, I want to go home.

Television is for appearing on, not looking at.

What I adore is supreme professionalism. I’m bored by writers who can write only when it’s raining.

At twelve noon, The natives swoon And no further work is doneBut mad dogs and Englishmen, Go out in the midday sun.

Grab it while you can — grab every scrap of happiness while you can

Trust your instincts. If you have no instincts, trust your impulses.

She stopped the show - but then the show wasn't traveling very fast.

It's like this, dear boy, the one in front is blind and the kind one behind is pushing him.

He's completely unspoiled by failure.

Any part of the piggy Is quite all right with me Ham from Westphalia, ham from Parma Ham as lean as the Dalai Lama Ham from Virginia, ham from York, Trotters Sausages, hot roast pork. Crackling crisp for my teeth to grind on Bacon with or without the rind on Though humanitarian I'm not a vegetarian. I'm neither crank nor prude nor prig And though it may sound infra dig Any part of the darling pig Is perfectly fine with me.

My importance to the world is relatively small. On the other hand, my importance to myself is tremendous. I am all I have to work with, to play with, to suffer and to enjoy. It is not the eyes of others that I am wary of, but of my own. I do not intend to let myself down more than I can possibly help, and I find that the fewer illusions I have about myself or the world around me, the better company I am for myself.

In the first act, you get the audience's attention - once you have it, they will repay you in the second. Play through the laughs if you have to. It will only make the audience believe there are so many of them that they missed a few.

Having to read footnotes resembles having to go downstairs to answer the door while in the midst of making love.

Extraordinary how potent cheap music is.

Your motivation is your pay packet on Friday. Now get on with it.

Wouldn't it be dreadful to live in a country where they didn't have tea?

To know you are among people whom you love, and who love you – that has made all the successes wonderful, much more wonderful than they'd have been anyway.

You kissed me because you were awfully nice and I was awfully nice and we both liked kissing very much. It was inevitable.

I don't much care for Hollywood, I'd rather have a nice cup of cocoa.

Christmas is at our throats again.

Thousands of people have talent. I might as well congratulate you for having eyes in your head. The one and only thing that counts is: Do you have staying power?

The Stately Homes of England, How beautiful they stand, To prove the Upper Classes, Have still the Upper Hand.

You ask my advice about acting? Speak clearly, don't bump into the furniture and if you must have motivation, think of your pay packet on Friday.

There are dark times just around the corner. There are dark clouds travelling through the sky. And it's no good whining about a silver lining. For we know from experience they won't roll by.

My life really has been one long extravaganza.

AMANDA: I think very few people are completely normal really, deep down in their private lives.

Star quality: I don't know what it is, but I've got it.

It is my considered opinion that the human race (soi disant) is cruel, idiotic, sentimental, predatory, ungrateful, ugly, conceited and egocentric to the last ditch and that the occasional discovery of an isolated exception is as deliciously surprising as finding a sudden brazil nut in what you know to be five pounds of vanilla creams. These glorious moments, although not making life actually worth living, perhaps, at least make it pleasanter.

Conceit is an outward manifestation of inferiority.

It is not the eyes of others that I am wary of, but my own.

Criticism and Bolshevism have one thing in common. They both seek to pull down that which they could never build.

I can't sing, but I know how to, which is quite different.

I'm an enormously talented man, and there's no use pretending that I'm not..

The theatre should be treated with respect. The theatre is a wonderful place, a house of strange enchantment, a temple of illusion. What it most emphatically is not and never will be is a scruffy, ill-lit, fumed-oak drill hall serving as a temporary soap box for political propaganda.

It's never too early for a cocktail.

How about slipping out of those wet things and into a dry Martini?

Madame Bovary is the sexiest book imaginable. The woman's virtually a nyphomaniac but you won't find a vulgar word in the entire thing.

Here ends the story of a ship, but there will always be other ships, for we are an island race. Through all our centuries, the sea has ruled our destiny. There will always be other ships and men to sail in them. It is these men, in peace or war, to whom we owe so much. Above all victories, beyond all loss, in spite of changing values in a changing world, they give to us, their countrymen, eternal and indomitable pride.

Everybody was up to something, especially, of course, those who were up to nothing.

Las Vegas: It was not cafe society, it was Nescafe society

It's no good pacing up and down. It won't make the plane arrive any faster. Just sit down and accept that we're delayed. You're just making a fool of yourself.

I write at high speed because boredom is bad for my health.

Hollywood is a place where some people lie on the beach and look up at the stars, whereas other people lie on the stars and look down at the beach.

Everybody worships me, it's nauseating.

If by any chance a playwright wishes to express a political opinion or a moral opinion or a philosophy, he must be a good enough craftsman to do it with so much spice of entertainment in it that the public get the message without being aware of it.

Christopher Marlowe or Francis Bacon The author of Lear remains unshaken Willie Herbert or Mary Fitton What does it matter? The Sonnets were written.

Comedies of manners swiftly become obsolete when there are no longer any manners.

As one gets older, one discovers everything is going to be exactly the same with different hats on.

I don't think pornography is harmful, but it is terribly, terribly boring.

I can take any amount of criticism, as long as it is unqualified praise.

You always ought to have tom cats arranged, you know - it makes 'em more companionable.