Emo Philips Kids Quotations

I give money to Unicef because I like the 'bang for your buck' aspect. Here's $10, go and save 1,000 kids from blindness!

My first job as a kid was going from door to door selling Christmas cards, to raise money for my grandmother's hip replacement. Because, you know... You break it, you buy it.

I'd be in the backyard minding my own business. The other kids would call me names, like meatball head or neo-Calvinist. I'd run after them, but lucky for them the chain would snap my neck back...

When I was a kid, my favourite time of the year when I was child was that magical first snowfall. I'd yell Yippee! Snow! and run up to the front door and shout You know the deal... You have to let me in now.

I had a very close relationship with another kid when I was growing up. I was his imaginary friend.

When I was a kid, I slept on rubber sheets, but now, I'm a man. And I can take the wetness!

When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.

I've always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.

When I was a kid, my goodness, corporate America was a bunch of stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be serious, and now it's stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be funny.