Emo Philips Love Quotations

My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.

I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

Coming up with a funny joke is like falling in love: It can hit you any time, anywhere. Having said that, the more you put yourself out there, the better your odds will be.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

The subconscious is like having a laboratory assistant who pretends to love you and help you, but after you go home to go to sleep it goes back into the lab and starts fumbling with the data and destroying it. It's a very tricky thing. People think our minds are us, but that's not true at all. The mind is not us.