Emo Philips Comedian Quotations

I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks.

Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

Some comedians change their style, often to their advantage; but I see no reason why I can't continue with the "urbane sophisticate" 'til the day I die.

Thinking up jokes is easy. The hard part is trying them out on stage, because you never know if they're funny until you get there. Not one comedian in the world ever really knows.

I started doing stand-up at the age of 20. This was back in 1976, around the time (coincidence?) that the first comedy clubs were starting. The young comedians of today gasp when I tell them how many shows I did that first year: 500. Five nights a week.

How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.