W. C. Fields Water Quotations

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.

Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.

Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.

I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.

I never drink water... fish f**k in it.