W. C. Fields Comedian Quotations

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.

The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.

The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .