Will Rogers Two Quotations

Communism to me is one-third practice and two-thirds explanation.

Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.

One-third of the people in the United States promote, while the other two-thirds provide.

See where Congress passed a two billion dollar bill to relieve bankers' mistakes. You can always count on us helping those who have lost part of their fortune, but our whole history records nary a case where the loan was for the man who had absolutely nothing. Our theory is to help only those who can get along, even if they don't get a loan.

No nation ever had two better friends that we have. You know who they are? The Atlantic and Pacific oceans.

The best way to make a fire with two sticks is to make sure one of them is a match.

When you have helped to raise the standard of cooking, you have helped to raise the only thing in the world that really matters. We only have one or two wars in a lifetime, but we have three meals a day -- there's nothing in the world that we do as much as we do eating.

There is two things that can disrupt business in this country. One is War, and the other is a meeting of the Federal Reserve Bank.

I guess there is no two races of people in worse repute with everybody than the international bankers, and the folks that put all those pins in new shirts.

Banking and after-dinner speaking are two of the most nonessential industries we have in this country. I am ready to reform, if they are.

One wants recovery to start from the bottom, and the other wants it to start from the top. I don't know which is right. I've never heard of anybody suggesting that they might start it in the middle, so I hereby make that suggestion. To start recovery halfway between the two, because it's the middle class that does everything anyhow. But I don't know anything about it.

There are two things I don't care how smart you are, you will never understand. One is an alienist's testimony, and the other is a railroad timetable.

... while the Republicans are smart enough to make money, the Democrats are smart enough to get in office every two or three times a century and take it away from 'em.

With old inflation riding the headlines, I have read till I am bleary-eyed, and I can't get head from tails of the whole thing. ... Now we are living in an age of explanations-and plenty of 'em, too-but no two things that's been done to us have been explained twice the same way, by even the same man. It's and age of in one ear and out the other.

The Democrats are going to change the name of the Hoover Dam. That is the silliest thing I ever heard of in politics . . . Lord if they feel that way about it, I don't see why they don't just reverse the two words.

I have always said that a conference was held for one reason only, to give everybody a chance to get sore at everybody else. Sometimes it takes two or three conferences to scare up a war, but generally one will do it.

They are voting whether to keep a governor two years or four. I think a good, honest governor should get four years, and the others life.

If we could just go back the last two or three years and do our buying a little more carefully, why... we would be O.K.

There is two types of Larceny, Petty and Grand. They are supposed to be the same in the eyes of the law, but judges always put a little extra on you for Petty, which is kind of a fine for stupidness.

You should never try and teach a pig to read for two reasons. First, it's impossible; and secondly, it annoys the hell out of the pig!.