Woody Allen Done Quotations

The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right.

I've had a very productive life. I've worked very hard, I've never fallen prey to depression. I'm not sure I could have done all of that without being in psychoanalysis.

The great question of philosophy remains: If life is meaningless, what can be done about alphabet soup?

The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought, particularly for those who bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held. On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily laying down.

Doing abominations is against the law, particularly if the abominations are done while wearing a lobster bib.

Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right.

My gift was in comedy. I found out I could make jokes. I could tell jokes. I could write them. So over the years, that's what I've done.

I always write the same way. I always write with a yellow pad and a ballpoint pen on my bed. And then I go and type it up afterwards. I've always done that. Those things become habitual.

Film is more of novelty, because I've done so much theater over many years. I'm in love with making movies. Also, I find it easier to remember three minutes of dialogue than three hours.

Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.

My Lord, my Lord! What hath Thou done lately?