Woody Allen Life Quotations

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

I feel that life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable

I didn't believe in reincarnation in my past life, and I still don't.

I'm at the stage of life when if a girl says no to me I'm profoundly grateful to her.

I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers and they are going to make a game out of it.

Life is a concentration camp. You're stuck here and there's no way out and you can only rage impotently against your persecutors.

Life is hard for insects. And don't think mice are having any fun either.

I've had a very productive life. I've worked very hard, I've never fallen prey to depression. I'm not sure I could have done all of that without being in psychoanalysis.

Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad.

The important thing, I think, is not to be bitter. You know, if it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. I think that the worst thing you could say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. After all, you know, there are worse things in life than death.

It is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid the pitfalls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o'clock.

You can be distracted by your love life, by the baseball game, movies, by the nonsense. "Can I get my kid into this private school? Can I get this girl to go out with me Saturday night? Am I going to get the promotion in my office?" All this stuff, but in the end the universe burns out. So I think it's completely meaningless.

The best things in life are censored.

I recently turned 60. Practically a third of my life is over.

Life's hard, then you die.

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I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.

Why not? Life is short, life is dull, life is full of pain - and this is a chance for something special.

Life is unresolved, confusing, bewildering, puzzling, ambiguous. You don't really know what's going to happen. The future is uncertain for everybody.

I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.

Talent is luck. The important thing in life is courage.

Ninety percent of life is just showing up.

All i have in my life is my imagination

I've often felt that life is a hard deal and it's unrelentingly tragic and an uphill fight.

I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are like, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's very lucky, to be miserable.

The meaning of life is that nobody knows the meaning of life.

Life is for the living.

Does art imitate life, or does life imitate TV?

I always feel, I guess being a product of the movies of the 40s where movies were the greatest things and screens were big and palaces were palaces and stars were larger than life that reality was so much inferior to what we felt was conceivably possible from what we had seen in the movies.

Life is like a concentration camp... you can't leave without dying.

If 90% of success in life is showing up, the other 10% depends on what you're showing up for.

90% of success in life is showing up

Life is short. Short, and not about anything except what you can touch and what touches you.