Doug Stanhope Drunk Quotations

You're born absolutely free except for laws of nature, if you drink you get drunk, that's a law, if you get old you die, that's a law too; if you sit on a tack you will bleed from the ass, these are the only laws that you're born with.

I'm just funnier when I'm drunk. Not falling-down drunk, just drunk enough to lose the self-doubt.

Complaining that a comic is drunk is like going to a titty bar and complaining because your lapdancer is a communist.

I'm pretty drunk and bored with yelling at the stone walls that are your minds.