George Carlin Comedian Quotations

In comic strips, the person on the right always speaks first.

I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.

Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.

I worry about my judgment when anything I believe in or do regularly begins to be accepted by the American public.

I feel sorry for confetti. Its useful life lasts about two seconds. And it can never be used again.

I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.

Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.

By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.

I'm not collegial, I don't hang out. I'm soloist, I like my solitude, I don't really hang around with comedians.

I became a guy who wanted to be a comedian someday, or a comic actor. The way I put it was, I'll be like Danny Kaye. He was kind of the model I had in mind.

I set out to become a comedian, and I said in order to do that the first thing I'll do is become a disc jockey and know my pop music. I like it, my voice is good, and I can start out getting confidence without an audience in front of me.

I actually was a writer who had the ability to perform his own work as opposed to a comedian who wrote his own material. So that really made me happy and changed my whole perspective.