Groucho Marx Crazy Quotations

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly like mine - we were both crazy about girls.

I've been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.

Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn't time to dig trenches. We'll have to buy them ready made.

As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.

I know, I know - you're a woman who's had a lot of tough breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten those brakes, but you'll have to stay in the garage all night.

Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here!

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

We took pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed. . . But we're going back next week.

You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?

[Mrs. Teasdale]: He's had a change of heart. [Groucho]: A lot of good that'll do him. He's still got the same face.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.