Groucho Marx Marriage Quotations

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.

Obviously there was no point in being a bachelor if his houseman was going to filch his booze. If he was going to get robbed, he might just as well get married.

I am a man and you are a woman. I can't think of a better arrangement.