Natasha Leggero Humor Quotations

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is the most afraid of getting ruffied? It's like relax. YOU can take the coaster off your drink. There are at least three of us in line ahead of you.

College seems like a pretty expensive way to become an alcoholic.

Gluten free pizza elicits the same response at a hollywood party that a pile of cocaine did in the 80's.

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is most afraid of being raped?

Your main contribution is spray painting your nickname on other people's things. And my cousin, who's a 'gangster', he's like, 'No, Tash, you don't understand; you throw a fat piece up there, that piece is yours.' I'm like, 'No one thinks you own Costco.'

Bragging that you had sex with a prostitute is like bragging that you got Doritos out of a vending machine.

I just went home to Illinois, and I asked my family, 'Are you guys planning on talking in those accents the whole time I'm home?' And my mother said, 'You used to talk like that, too, Tasha.' And I said, 'Yes, but you see, I've reinvented myself. Do you have any idea who I think I am?'

If Jesus had known that his image would end up on Justin Bieber's calf, he would've never started Christianity.

I think how tan a person is, is directly proportionate to how dumb they are.

Having a baby is like a DUI from the universe.

The more developed your abs, the less time you've spent reading.

Getting worried there might not be enough talent in America to acommodate all these singing shows.

Don't be intimidated by my outfit, it's Forever 21.

TLC should stand for Toddlers, Lunatics, and Cake.

Why does every flight attendant seem like they are going through a divorce?

Ke$ha IS the walk of shame.

I wish his music came out of the closet and admit that it sucks.

The only thing that makes me cry at weddings is the DJ's playlist.

How are you gonna make an 'idol' from the type of person you're trying to avoid in real life?

The waiters in France could all be senators in the US.

Have you heard his new song? 'Cause he thinks he's a black man now.

I don't see the point of watching men exercise.

Do they give Pulitzers for tweets yet?