Paula Poundstone Funny Quotations

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.

I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.

I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.

The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer.

My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'