W. Somerset Maugham Funny Quotations

It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.

The great American novel has not only already been written, it has already been rejected.

The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.

Few misfortunes can befall a boy which bring worse consequence than to have a really affectionate mother.

Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have nothing whatsoever to do with it.

I've always been interested in people, but I've never liked them.

I can imagine no more comfortable frame of mind for the conduct of life than a humorous resignation.

Old age is ready to undertake tasks that youth shirked because they would take too long.

A man marries to have a home, but also because he doesn't want to be bothered with sex and all that sort of thing.

Marriage is a very good thing, but I think it's a mistake to make a habit out of it.

Now it is a funny thing about life. If you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it. If you utterly decline to make do with what you can get, then somehow or other, you are very likely to get what you want.

The Americans, who are the most efficient people on the earth, have carried [phrase-making] to such a height of perfection and have invented so wide a range of pithy and hackneyed phrases that they can carry on an amusing and animated conversation without giving a moment’s reflection to what they are saying and so leave their minds free to consider the more important matters of big business and fornication.