Bo Burnham Humor Quotations

Where are all the sour patch parents?

Poverty. Racism. Isn't it strange, only the homeless are begging for change?

Twitter is a lot like crystal meth, because it's really fun to do and Oprah's on it.

Women are like fingers and toes because they're easy to count on.

I stopped and I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' So I didn't exist.

All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.

I love you like a gay geneticist loves designer genes.

There's a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he's a good conductor?

People ask me all the time, ALL the time, they say the same exact thing. They say, 'Bo, you're an artist... how do we fix Africa?'

I'm gay for Jesus, fill me with your grace. Pour your love all over me, but please aim away from my face.

And an anteater plus a large hungry mutant ant? An ironic way to die.

Ya back home they call me the tie-dye shirt kid, well that and fagot.

I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.

And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.