Carol Burnett Funny Quotations

Everybody I know who is funny, it's in them. You can teach timing, or some people are able to tell a joke, though I don't like to tell jokes. But I think you have to be born with a sense of humor and a sense of timing.

We don't stop going to school when we graduate.

I don't have false teeth. Do you think I'd buy teeth like these?

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

The first time someone said, 'What are your measurements?' I answered, '37, 24, 38 - but not necessarily in that order.'