Karl Pilkington Funny Quotations

I find that if you just talk, your mouth comes up with stuff.

Classes teaching you how to breathe. I'm 32, I think I've got the hang of it.

Avocados, it's a food that ain't worth injuring yourself for. If it's a hassle to get into, leave it to the experts.

As long as you're remembering baby Jesus, does it matter when you're remembering him. That's what I'm saying about Christmas, I might not be in the mood for it December 25th.

It's just hassle of having friends and family an' that.

I don't know why small chocolates are called fun-sized; I mean, if I called a midget fun-sized, they'd kick off.

With identical twins, you always get a little snidey one.

At some point, some insect has had sex with a leaf.

I came up with a good idea....see-through skin.

I know when I was a kid I ate a beetle. I ate a beetle because I thought it was licorice.

[Jellyfish] are 97% water or something, so how much are they doing? Just give them another 3% and make them water. It's more useful.

What happens if someone else has my eyes, and they start looking at stuff I don't like? I don't like the idea of that.

We're gonna get weaker. That's already happened. They used to say, you know, an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Now they're saying eat five fruits. That's evidence. You can't argue with that.