Samuel Butler Funny Quotations

An apology for the devil: it must be remembered that we have heard one side of the case. God has written all the books.

Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.

A lawyer's dream of heaven: every man reclaimed his property at the resurrection, and each tried to recover it from all his forefathers.

A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg.

Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them.

There is nothing which at once affects a man so much and so little as his own death.

Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both.

If life must not be taken too seriously, then so neither must death.

A man's friendships are, like his will, invalidated by marriage - but they are also no less invalidated by the marriage of his friends.

All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income.

Those who have never had a father can at any rate never know the sweets of losing one. To most men the death of his father is a new lease of life.