Steve Martin Humor Quotations

When your hobbies get in the way of your work - that's OK; but when your hobbies get in the way of themselves... well.

I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.

The real joy is in constructing a sentence. But I see myself as an actor first because writing is what you do when you are ready and acting is what you do when someone else is ready.

Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.

Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way.

Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.

I was deeply unhappy, but I didn't know it because I was so happy all the time.

A celebrity is any well-known TV or movie star who looks like he spends more than two hours working on his hair.

The banjo is such a happy instrument--you can't play a sad song on the banjo - it always comes out so cheerful.

The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.

I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87.

It's so hard to believe in anything anymore. I mean, it's like, religion, you really can't take it seriously, because it seems so mythological, it seems so arbitrary...but, on the other hand, science is just pure empiricism, and by virtue of its method, it excludes metaphysics. I guess I wouldn't believe in anything anymore if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch.

I believe in eight of the ten commandments. I believe in going to church every Sunday... unless there's a game on.

I gave my cat a bath the other day...they love it. He sat there, he enjoyed it, it was fun for me. The fur would stick to my tongue, but other than that...

I'm a bitter, sad, sour young man who makes a career out of hastling people with real careers.

Lots of women are getting involved. They're not satisfied just being passengers anymore.

You kill me and I'll see that you never work in this town again.

It was so sweet backstage, you should have seen it: The Teamsters were helping Michael Moore into the trunk of his limo.