Douglas Adams Funny Quotations

Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

You live and learn. At any rate, you live.

A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at and repair.

I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons.

Nothing travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.

Alone of all the races on earth, they seem to be free from the 'Grass is Greener on the other side of the fence' syndrome, and roundly proclaim that Australia is, in fact, the other side of that fence.

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer

It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression, 'As pretty as an airport.

The idea that Bill Gates has appeared like a knight in shining armor to lead all customers out of a mire of technological chaos neatly ignores the fact that it was he who, by peddling second-rate technology, led them into it in the first place.

The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.

Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.

My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre and that I am therefore excused from saving universes.

Protect me from knowing what I don't need to know. Protect me from even knowing that there are things to know that I don't know. Protect me from knowing that I decided not to know about the things that I decided not to know about. Amen. Lord, lord, lord. Protect me from the consequences of the above prayer.

Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.